[NONAGON, SARIS CITY, ARALONIA, NORTHERN JUALELO]
[PRESS CONFERENCE ROOM NO.83, 1ST FLOOR]
Miri stepped up to the podium and tapped on the microphone several times. “Hello? Is this thing working?” Tap, tap. “Hellooo?” Tap, tap, tap. “Everybody, listen to my song~?”
“Miri, dammit! Call me Miri!” She sighed and started tapping the notes in front of her with a ballpoint pen.
“Er... apologies... Miri.” The reporter coughed. “We can hear you just fine. May I ask, what event are you calling together such a massive press conference for?”
Miri grinned. “I'm glad you asked!” She slammed a hand on the podium, causing feedback in the speakers. “Ladies and gentlemen! May I have your attention now please! You over there, hijack every television station and radio station in the country! On the double!”
“Aye, ma'am!” A button was pressed, and every single television set in the country that wasn't set to Nyan Fro. Dance Platform, Seikan Hikou, Universal Tour, or any other video game, was instantly switched to a picture of a grinning Archon, the national leader.
“Miri, cue to go in three...” two... one...
[ON EVERY TELEVISION SET IN THE BLOODY NATION]
[PRESS CONFERENCE ROOM NO.3, 1ST FLOOR]
“Ladies and gentlemen of the Royal Sovereignty of Aralonia, I'm Miri Hawke! You know me by now. Firstly, I would like to thank you all once again for accepting me graciously to represent this star-nation. I'll be sure to do a good job, so I won't let you guys down, alright?
“But for the meat of the matter. Today is an ideal day of clear skies and high waves! Several hours ago, approved by the Parliament that represents the conglomerate of colonial systems that make up this glorious nation, a veritable armada of naval vessels of various classes and tonnages loosed their anchors from countless space colonies and colony worlds and set sail to parts known in order to do battle with this great foe. This foe is known as the Technocracy, an intergalactic alliance of evil no-gooders that want to blow up anyone who doesn't agree with them – and I don't agree with them, so neither should you!
“The fate of the Royal Sovereignty – no, the fate of the galaxy! – rests on this upcoming battle! This conflict is only the beginning of our future! We will eliminate all existing obstacles, and the Royal Sovereignty will become known in the far reaches of this universe as one of the greatest powers in existence! Oh, eventually, we'll negotiate with the members of the Movement to Restore the Alliance and spread the influence of the Royal Sovereignty across the whole galaxy! It's not an issue, so don't worry so much, alright?
“Even if we've all but won already, considering the tactical and theoretical abilities of our opponent, no Aralonian citizen is allowed to hold back! We must soundly defeat them in soul and mind! Do your duty for your country! Go to work, and work hard! Go to play, and play hard! Go to eat, and eat hard! Chew fast! Swallow early! Oh, and please, try not to choke, otherwise our medical institutions will have to save lives, and save hard! And that... doesn't roll off the tongue well, does it?” Miri scratched her head, poring over speech notes.
“A man named Clemenceau once mentioned, about war. He said that war was too important to be left to the generals. He might have been right, you know? But nowadays, in Aralonia, things are different. War is too important to be left to one man – or in my case, one woman! Alone, we have neither the training nor the inclination for strategic thought.” The Archon stood up closer to the microphone with fire in her eyes. “No! I will not allow this! I will no longer sit back and allow Technocracy infiltration, Technocracy indoctrination, Technocracy subversion, and the intergalactic Technocratic conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids!”
A screech of feedback as a wave of facepalms, headdesks, groans, moans, cheers, jeers, and salutes propagated across the entire star-nation, at what was quite possibly a superluminal velocity.
“On that note... the timer's running down. The aircraft are in the air, and the ships are in the water. I guess the only thing we're missing are troops on the ground, huh...? Ah well, it's not like it matters. Find the enemy and bombard away, servicemen of Aralonia! We're absolutely going to win! Turn those impertinent To'Hol Venaari freaks into riddled, smoldering smithereens!” The last shriek of fury caused additional feedback through the speakers, causing temporary ear damage across several thousand light years.
“Well, that's all there is to that. When I sigh this document,” - At this point, Miri hoisted a scrap of paper that looked suspiciously like a fluorescent pink Post-it note - “we will have declared the Technocracy illegal. Afterwards, the warping begins in five minutes. See you guys tomorrow! Goodnight!”
<+AirHippo> Funnily enough, folks who abide by the law and try to make something of their lives don't appreciate the rich kids of rich parents getting away with murder and skimming through life.