For Musicians' Eyes Only. Musician Thread Yay!

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 1:27 pm

Hello all, 'tis Isu. Ive been playing the guitar for about 3-4 yrs now, and Ive started actually writing my own songs with lyrics. This is my first real attempt at writing a song. Haven't recorded it with guitar yet, these are just the lyrics. tell me what you think.

"Person"

G) Person is waiting
D) For things to stop changing
Em) He lives in the blender of time
C) His life is a jumble
Em) Of fruit, and he fumbles
Unkown?) For protein of any kind

Person is lonely,
He denies to himself
That he longs for a girl to come by
But he knows that the girl will arrive at just the right time
That doesn’t ease his mind

What will person do
When he meets someone new,
An acquaintance, not even a friend
He always plans too much,
Always acts as such
Then his plans break beyond mend

Person is lonely,
He denies to himself
That the world is a big random mess
For a very small person,
It’s hard not to scheme in excess
But there’s a drive to be the best

High self esteem
Is not a thing from his dreams
He knows in his heart he’s loved
But he wants a companion
To walk through the sand
Him as a wolf, her as a dove

Person is lonely,
He denies to himself
That the real world is not all that great
He floats in a bubble of calm that will suddenly break
Mankind is not so kind
Person is lonely,
He denies to himself
That he longs for a girl to come by
But he knows that the girl will arrive at just the right time
That doesn’t ease his mind

Hope you like, CC very welcome if you seem like you know what you're talking about.

Deltaflyer · Post by **Deltaflyer** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:41 pm

Work out a tab to it and I would rate it more effectively. I have some experience with this area.

Currently it seems to be a slow, sad song. I am into more speedy, in-your-face mad songs. (slipknot, Iron maiden, etc.) Rock. Nice premise though.

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Wed Feb 18, 2009 11:51 pm

Metal is ftw.

But, yes, this is a more of a solemn acoustic kind of song. I have the basic chord progression, but i'm still deciding what kind of picking pattern to use. I'm thinking a blackbird-style picking pattern or a similar pattern as to what john mayer uses in Stop this Train. I'll put the chords in the origional post.

dang, all-guitar-chords.com couldnt identify some of them so i'll just post some tabs of how the chords are done when i have the time. Maybe this is a sign that i need simpler chords? LOL

Also.... randomness, i'm playing without the small E string because the bridge peg popped out and flew off somewhere on the other side of the room. It's small and black and i can't find it... I havent had a chance to replace it yet.

Deltaflyer · Post by **Deltaflyer** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:01 am

Have you wrote it with a metronome in mind?

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:05 am

No, but ive found a way to make it work with the rythm of the song. though it could use a bit of revising to make it flow more smoothly.

Deltaflyer · Post by **Deltaflyer** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:19 am

I also dislike the lack of a chorus, where it might pick up a bit.

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 12:50 am

where it starts "Person is lonely" is the chorus. I don't think i made that very clear

It changes.

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Thu Feb 19, 2009 9:19 pm

Here is a makeshift tab. I'm still tweaking it a little bit. I might make changes later. Standard tuning.

e|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
G|----0-----------------------------------0-----------------------------------------
D|----4----------4h5p4----2/4p0-----4----------2/4-----4h5p4p0---------------
A|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
E|-0----------0----------0----------0----------0-------0----------------------------
Intro 2x

e|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|--------3--------------------3-----------------3------------------3--------------
G|-0----------0-------0---------0------0----------0-------0----------0---------
D|-----4---------4--------4-------4--------4--------4---------4--------4-------
A|---------------------0-------0--------2--------2-------------------------------
E|-3--------3-------------------------------------------------0--------0-----------
.........2x...........................................................................2x
|_________________________________________________________|
.....................................................2x......chorus riff....part of intro, appears later

.............................Verse 1
e|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|------0-------------0-------------0----------------0------------------------------
G|-4--------4----2--------2----0-------0-------0--------0-------------------------
D|----0-------0----0--------0----2-------2/4-----4--------4-----------------------
A|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
E|-3------3------2------2------0------0--------0------0----------------------------
....person.........waiting........things.............changing

e|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|------0-------------0-------------3--------------5-----------------------------
G|-4--------4----2--------2----3--------0----5-------5--------------------------
D|----0-------0----0--------0----0--------------0-------0------------------------
A|-3------3------2-----2-------1------1------3-----3---------------------------
E|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
....lives............blender........time

e|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|------0-------------0-------------0----------------0------------------------------
G|-4--------4----2--------2----0-------0-------0--------0-------------------------
D|----0-------0----0--------0----2-------2/4-----4--------4-----------------------
A|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
E|-3------3------2------2------0------0--------0------0----------------------------
....life...............jumble........fruit................fumbles

e|----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|------0-------------0-------------3--------------5-----------------------------
G|-4--------4----2--------2----3--------0----5-------5--------------------------
D|----0-------0----0--------0----0--------------0-------0------------------------
A|-3------3------2-----2-------1------1------3-----3---------------------------
E|--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
....protein.........of................kind

That's about all i have the patience to do right about now... Its kinda sloppy, this is the first time i've really ever seriously written tab. Any suggestions on the tab or the song in general are more than welcome, as long as you know what your talking about.

Also... i noticed meh ratings.... i need to know why

. If this just isn't your style, don't give it a low rating just because of that. I know i havent had a tab til now, that probably contributed. But now there's a tab. It's not quite finished, but i'm going to finish it later today. Ive written countless metal riffs, but this is kindof a breakthrough for me as it is my first song to have lyrics. Hope you enjoy the tab.

Deltaflyer · Post by **Deltaflyer** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 12:03 am

Isu wrote:
e|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
G|----0------------------------------------0-----------------------------------------
D|----4----------4h5p4----2/4p0-----4----------2/4-----4h5p4p0---------------
A|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
E|-0----------0----------0----------0----------0-------0----------------------------
Intro 2x

I am unclear on this bit, having only played guitar for a year (exactly a year on 24th) I do not know what the 4h5p4 and 4h5p4p0 mean.

The song sounds quite good, I played it and it does work quite nicely.

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 12:17 am

Yeah. It has a very nitpicky rhythm to it, and i have crap for experience with writing tabs. I haven't really made that rhythm very clear... and i'm not really sure how to. The song is a 2/4 count, if that helps you understand it better. However, that part of the tab just isnt very clear in general. not sure how to fix it.

OH you mean the 4h5p4. the h means hammer on and the p means release on to the fret after it. It's a quick hammer-release kind of a deal.

Oops... noticed a problem. with.......this 0 and 4 below, they are sposed to be aligned. lemme fix that real quick.

e|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
B|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
G|----0------------------------------------0-----------------------------------------
D|----4----------4h5p4----2/4p0-----4----------2/4-----4h5p4p0---------------
A|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
E|-0----------0----------0----------0----------0-------0----------------------------
Intro 2x

Fixed in origional post.

Deltaflyer · Post by **Deltaflyer** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 1:49 am

Ah shazbot. I haven't learned how to do Hammer-ons yet. Still practising Barre chords and the minor pentatonic scales.

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 2:12 am

>.< i'm almost completely self-taught, so ive already learned hammer ons among many, many other things. However, self taught people more often than not develop technique problems... I don't know if I have any of these, I took about a month of lessons and i learned the right form and I hope Ive retained that good form.

Anyway, a hammer-on is when you pick a string and then bring your finger down on the fret while the string is ringing. The string should just continue ringing in the new note. Its a good way to make smoother transitions from note to note, however it will not work if the note is too quiet when you hammer. Mess around with it a little, wasnt hard for me.

Deltaflyer · Post by **Deltaflyer** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 3:04 am

Oh. Well, I snapped my pick trying your song with hammer-ons. Somehow.

Ill probably nip into town and get some tommorow. But the rest of it does sound good.

Isu · Post by **Isu** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 5:09 am

Rofl how did you manage that...? Hammer-ons don't usually involve picksnapping.... D:

bien4500 · Post by **bien4500** » Fri Feb 20, 2009 6:14 am

Perhaps having a celloist accompany you while you play might help add some feeling to it. Because right now, it seems quite flat.

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